Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
