her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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