Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize