well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize