I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
