I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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