babies were throwing up all over the place
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
