I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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