It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
