I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
