Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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