chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
