note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize