Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
