forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
