went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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