I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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