And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
