that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
