What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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