no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
