Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And then my night got REAL pukey
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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