I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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