he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
