All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
