It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize