Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
