I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
