Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
