I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
