i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
