wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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