I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I smell like Dick and happiness
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
