I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
