well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
