And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
