why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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