So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize