Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
