It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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