And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize