I feel like I'm in dance class right now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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