screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't notice because vodka
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
