Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
