I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
