Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Oh god it's open bar.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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