haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
