I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
