Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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