When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
