the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
