Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
