Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
