ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
The feeling are messing with the penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
