As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
