im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
