Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize