All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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