she woke up with a sticky ear
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
