I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
