After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
