we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
