Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
