you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
