i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
