is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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