Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
