we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
