I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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