i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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