I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
