So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
