1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
