I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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