Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
