i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
