If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
