I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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