he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you didnt know i had herpes?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
