i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
