yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Pants are for mortals
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
