You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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