I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
