Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
