So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
