So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
