watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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