Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
