Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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