he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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