oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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