I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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