Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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