I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
