Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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