i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
