dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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