YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
