Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
