I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
