why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
