i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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