PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
