Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize