Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
