I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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