Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
