So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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