roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
