capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
