Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize