Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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